It's Only Funny Until Someone Gets Pruned

I couldn't tell you how long this particular meme has been floating through cyberspace, but I can tell you that it has cracked me up...every time. I'm talking about a full-throated bellyaching laugh, because, come on, it's funny!

There have been times, most recently in fact, where I've failed to muster even a smile, let alone a joyful laugh in my walk with Jesus. When that happens, the Lord brings this joke to mind. Because HE knows the automatic and visceral reaction this meme has on me, and that my huge bubble of bitter grapes will burst and slowly, sometimes very slowly, the feelings of anger (or pride, or resentment or judgment) in my chest dissipates, and I can get back to His way of thinking, which always brings peace.

The last time this was brought before me, it was not to lift my spirits, it was to convict my heart of my own selfishness, because He took me specifically to "No. You only think about yourself." Ouch!

It hurt, because it was true.

My husband and I are not rich. We're very fortunate that God has given my husband the talent, and the opportunity to fully provide for us, as I no longer work. It is not that I don't want to work, or to help carry the financial load in our home, but rather it's due to the unpredictable nature of a body that has suffered crashes, falls, breaks and beatings. I cannot commit to a schedule I have no idea I can keep. So like it or not, God has domesticated me! And I have learned to love being at home. I especially love our current home. Since our marriage in 1993, the landscape of our lives has changed many times, and many times drastically so. This is the home God has kept me in the longest, and truly where I have found the most contentment in my heart.

Before we moved in, the neighbors referred to this as the "ugly little white house" on the block. They tell me they don't see it as that anymore, but I never saw it that way. From the first time we visited this property, I knew it was where I wanted to be.

I am most fond of my perfect backyard. This is not to say that I have the most perfect backyard, just that it's perfect for me.

I know that I am spoiled in many ways, but I do not take any of this for granted. When I sink into my hot tub, I thank God every single time. Every single time! Because it was purchased with the sole intention of providing therapy to my back; the persnickety member of my body that desperately needs what it provides. So, yes, I thank God for that provision, because it doesn't just show His grace, it shows His mercy. You see, I'm thankful because I am underserving, and yet His hand provided.

I thank God that, while He certainly does not need me to, I get to feed His birds! Through His provision, I've created my own little bird sanctuary, with feeders and birdhouses and birdbaths. There are even swings for the hummingbirds, and spinners, yard statues, plus all manner of garden tchotchke! I am never disappointed, as a passive backyard birdwatcher, in my own backyard; each day brings me joy as I'm visited by cardinals, nuthatches, wrens, finches, woodpeckers, blue jays, and more!

So, naturally, this is where God and I spend the most time together. I love sitting in the midst of His creation, being surrounded by all that His loving hand has provided. And this is where He changes me.

Sometimes painfully, but always for His glory.

My husband left his job at Shell earlier in 2024, to accept an offer that, while putting Daniel in a position that he loves and beautifully thrives in, would mean letting go of a LOT of financial security, mostly for me. If Daniel had stayed at Shell, and God had called him home, I wouldn't have had another financial worry for the rest of my days. That was important, more for my husband because he's called to provide for me, and it was nice for me to know. But I had already spent too many years trusting in God's provision, to think I wouldn't be taken care of in my old(er) age, regardless of the balance in my checkbook, or 401k.

The new company, headquartered in California, extended an offer that was close to, but did not completely cover that which we would be giving up. So we prayed about it. And found peace. Daniel's peace came from the financial security, mine from the fact that this would be a fully remote position, and that we would not be required to move to California, the state I was born in, but had no desire to return to other than as a visitor.

As you're reading this, you may come up with many of your own reasons for not wanting to live in California, but mine was so simple. It's outrageously expensive, and even though we could possibly have afforded to live there, I could not have, in good conscience, spend the kind of money it takes to just survive there.

Our modest, and I do mean modest, 3/2 ranch sits on 1.5 acres. It was a fixer-upper when we bought it, and because it needed so much TLC, we got it for a song. Even with the improvements we've made, and the increase in market value, we still could not sell our home in Georgia and come out with anything close to resembling the purchase price, or even the down payment for a home in California. If you can even still find a beautiful 1.5 acres with a home for sell, you would be in the several million dollar range. A forced move would have taken us into massive negative equity, not just in our home, but in our life!

So when, after about three months in, when my husband told me he and his boss had decided it would be best for us to move to California, you know, for only 2-3 years, I got angry. Really angry. Seeing red angry. And I sinned in my anger. In fact, I sinned in many ways, but two sins remain the heaviest on my heart and for which my mourning still runs deep!

It wasn't in the immediate and un-Christlike recitation of all the promises made and broken over the years, though that was bad.

It wasn't in the fear I felt in making yet another move that might hurt us financially, though that was bad.

It wasn't in the resentment over the physically taxing challenge that was being put before an already weary me, though that was bad.

It wasn't in the disappointment I felt that I would be leaving what took years to cultivate - relationships with strong Christian women, opportunities for service, and the proximity to my kids and grands, though that was bad.

God brought all these things to my heart, while spending time in my backyard, dealing with my anger. And it wasn't beautiful, I wasn't being beautiful. I understood that, I accepted that. I asked for forgiveness for that, and I received it. But God wasn't done.

No, because the hardest truth to face in that moment, wasn't just that I was only thinking about myself, which I was. It was because I didn't care about anyone else by myself.

I didn't care about my husband, his boss, his co-workers, or his customers. I didn't care that my husband's remote standing was hindering the company's rollout of substantial organizational changes, many of which are a large part of my husband's contribution to the company. I didn't care that closer professional, and even personal relationships, could bring about unity and cohesion to the team leading to their greater success. I just didn't care. Until I did.

I had to also face another hard truth about my response. A broken promise on my part, a promise I had to made to God. To always hold my hands open, for Him to give and take for His purpose and for His pleasure. This was a heart crusher for me, because I realized in that moment I was clenching too tightly to my version of what my life is supposed to look like. Clenching is not surrender. Nor is it love, trust, faith or honoring to the Savior I've said I have surrendered to. Clenching is not dying to self, and living for Christ. No, quite the opposite, clenching is living for self and dying to Christ. So I had to let go! I had to unclench my fists, if I was to ever hold fast to that which HE has already ordained for me. I placed this too at the foot of the cross, and received forgiveness once more, but had more forgiveness to seek.

In demonstrably painful humility, I shared with my husband all that God had revealed to me, and asked for his forgiveness as well. I admitted that I was wrong, and further admitted that I was having trouble finding joy in the prospect of moving, but that mattered little. It wasn't about me, and I had to apologize for making it so. My husband extended his forgiveness, and the subject did not come up again for a couple days. I'm thinking Daniel spent some time with God as well, as our next conversation about the matter was much different.

As it turns out, and with some painful humility on my husband's side, the relocation idea was borne more out my husband's disdain of travel and being away from me, than it did from any true necessity or pressure by the owner to change the terms of his remote position. This does not nullify any of the benefits that would be found by our relocating, but it notably shifts the scales by which we weigh our choices.

I am very thankful my husband, through the work of the Holy Spirit, said, "I have no intention of taking your home away from you. I will make the sacrifice, and travel as often as necessary, per the original agreement, between us, and between the company and I" And I appreciated that promise kept.

But I'll keep my promise too, holding my hands wide open for God.