The Man I Love The Most In The World Is Not My Husband

And my husband is okay with that.

Because this is a man like no other I've known before, a man so closely resembling the heart of Jesus, you cannot help but fall in love with him. And I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Who is this great man, you may ask? His name is Grandpa, and the only blood we share is the blood of Christ. But when God sent Grandpa to me, with his equally lovely, and loving wife at his side, He in essence sent me Himself, God with skin on. That's a bold statement, and I make it unashamedly, though Grandpa would more than likely be uncomfortable with the adulation.

Before my husband's crime, the no-regrets event that lead us to Christ, Grandpa and I had known each other, though not well, and for not long, Afterward though, there was no distance between us.

Because, while so many turned away from me in my time of greatest need, Grandpa (with Grandma always by his side!) turned directly toward me, with love. Always with love.

I can honestly say, Grandpa is the only man, in my entire lifetime, that has never hurt me, Intentionally or unintentionally. He has never spoken an unkind word to me, and I can safely assume he has never spoken an unkind word about me. He has never lied to me, has never given me a judgmental look, or invalidated a single one of my experiences, or the feelings surrounding them.

What Grandpa did, was love me, and counsel me, with the heart of Jesus. And sometimes, that meant Grandpa had to speak hard truths to me, and it was still always in love, through the heart of Jesus.

When I was still freshly wounded, Grandpa was patient with me. With a full understanding that I was being overtly sinful in my rant-filled pity parties, he still listened. Then he spoke God's truth to me in love, with the heart of Jesus.

There is a Holy Spirit dynamic between us that, even as one of the interested parties, I am still in awe of.

I leaned into his peace and certainty. In the ways that, as followers of Jesus, we are to be set apart. In the way we think, the way we speak, the way we behave, and most importantly, the way we believe the promises made by our Father in Heaven. Because I had not known peace, I wanted that kind of relationship with My Lord.

Grandpa leaned into my suffering, that caused by my own sins and the sins of others against me. He recognized my bottomless well of gratitude for the sheer volume of grace and mercy that had been extended to me. Because he had not known the grace of suffering, he wanted that kind of relationship with His Lord.

And our love for each other grew. It was obvious, but it was not understood. Not for a long time.

After my husband came home from prison, and we started showing up together at family functions, my direct beeline to Grandpa and Grandma did not go unnoticed. Nor did their response to me. These were my people. This is where love was found. This is where my love poured out. And because I had received so much from them, there was no end to what I was willing to pour out!

I know I seemed selfish during these gatherings, because I was being selfish! I had scant hours in a year to spend with the most special man in my life, and I wanted every second of it. If there was an open seat next to Grandpa, I took it. I'd reluctantly give it up, if given the wrong look by someone else who wanted it, but trust me NO seat next to Grandpa ever got cold!

I remember our last Thanksgiving with Grandma. The first words of our her mouth when she saw me was, "you can't hug me too hard!" I both laughed and cried. Because I got it. My love for her was so intense, she was afraid I'd crush her with it. And I just might have.

Because there were few around to see our relationship being seeded, fertilized, or watered, the resulting, and radiant, bloom was a surprise to most people. But not to Grandpa and I.

Last year, with over 100 well-wishers, we celebrated Grandpa's 100th Birthday! I could imagine only one argument taking place that day...who loved this man the most?! And as much as I wished it were me...it was every single person in that room!

I take nothing away from any of Grandpa's family when I say this. Especially his children. I know their love for him is as deep as it could be. Grandpa's sons' and daughters' love, respect, admiration and devotion to him is unquestionable. It's all over their faces. It's in their eyes. It's in the care they give to him.

I take nothing away from any of my family when I say this. Especially my children. Each one of them have a similar love for Grandpa as I do, for he is likely the only man in their lives to have never hurt them. That sticks with you. Though both Grandpa and Grandma blessed them with their presence at baby showers, births, birthday parties, and even sadly at funerals, it is their kindness that echoes through my children's memories.

Yet the greatest memory that will echo through the rest of my life is, as I finally made my way through to Grandpa, in a reception line that lasted hours and had him sitting down at the end; when Grandpa looked me right in the eyes, leaned his forehead against mine, and said "I love you like you were my own daughter."

It was in that moment, for those who witnessed it, that Grandpa's and my relationship was finally understood, even if the journey to that moment remained just between us.

But, it was also in that moment, right there, right then, I was the person in the room who loved that man the most. Because to hear that from Grandpa, to know he really meant it, and to feel all the unspoken words behind it, well, Grandpa once again became God with skin on.

Grandpa and I live hundreds of miles apart now. I'm less able to travel, and Grandpa is less inclined to visit by phone, so I'm not sure when, or if, I'll see this great man again this side of heaven, but I know I'll spend eternity with him. And I believe with all my heart, that just like the seat next to Jesus', the one next Grandpa will never get cold!